his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
