Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Randomize
