its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Randomize
