Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
