heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
