Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
