He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Randomize
