he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
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