flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Randomize
