i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
