uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Are we still banned from the library?
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
