Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Randomize
