I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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