And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Randomize
