Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
accomplished twins. life is a go
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
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