Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
