the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
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