Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
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