just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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