I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
It's rum buckets o'clock
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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