It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Randomize
