wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
