I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
