i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
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