First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
