Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
