Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Randomize
