I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
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