how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
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