I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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