Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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