Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
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