East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
True strength comes from lack of pants
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Randomize
