I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Randomize
