walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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