you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
