It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
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