I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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