Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
my poor anus
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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