Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Randomize
