6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Randomize
