when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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