Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
