You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
