JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
