I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
