i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
