Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
