from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
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