god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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