we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
