part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
she told me i tasted like america
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
